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Anecdotes and stories for speeches, essays, toasts and more

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Funny, humorous, or inspiring anecdotes can improve speeches, remarks, essays, toasts and articles. This funny joke could be used for speeches or writings about listening to directions, communication, sticking to it, alcohol, bad decisions, drinking, looking for trouble and more. It can be customized to tease a Marine, Soldier, sailor or drill sergeant for military dining-ins or retirements, or called an employee of a certain company or profession.


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Don't mess with Marines Anecdote

A tough, grizzled former Marine walked into a bar in the toughest part of town and ordered a whiskey straight. He saw a huge jar on the back counter stuffed with $20 bills. The bartender brought his drink, and the Marine pointed at the jar, which had to have had $10,000 in it.

"Why do you have all that money in the jar back there?" he asked.

The bartender looked the man over and thougt to himself, another sucker!

"Well," he said, "You pay $20 and if you can pass three tests, then you get to take that jar and all the money home."

The Marine thinks, no matter what it is, I can take it! So he asks, "What do I have to do?"

The bartender shakes his head. "You pay first."

The Marine mans him a twenty dollar bill and the bartender takes a deep breath.

"First, you have to drink an entire bottle of vodka in less than a minute and you can't cringe or take a breath.

"Pah! That won't be hard," says the Marine, who has done his share of drinking in his days.

"Next," sayd the bartender, "There's a German Shepard chained in back with a bad tooth. You have to pull that tooth out with your bare hands."

The Marine chokes on his whiskey.

"Third - There's a 90 year old woman upstairs who's never had sex and you'd have to go upstairs and take care of that."

The Marine stares in disbelief. "C'mon now, that's not fair! You just took my $20. No one could do all that!"

"It's up to you," the bartender says, "But that $20 is mine unless you do it."

The Maine has a few more drinks, and starts thinking that it doesn't sound so tough. So finally he slams his glass down on the counter and says, "Give me that vodka!"

He drinks the whole bottle down and doesn't grimace or spill a drop, finishing it up in 53 seconds!

After a huge rattling blech, he staggers out the back door and they men inside cringe as they hear snarling and barking, followed by sounds of a fight, with yelps and yells, and suddenly - silence. They wait thinking the man must be dead.

Finally the door smashes open, and the Marine staggers in, bloody and beaten back to the bar.  His clothes are ripped and he's running with sweat.

"Now!" he says. "Where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"

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